Sympathy for the Devil

I have become horrible at blogging.

Or at the very least, grossly negligent.

Honestly, life has kind of swept me up and away from the keyboard. I don't think that is a bad thing either. Generally, I think it's good to be out places, doing things, interacting with people, yadda yadda, as opposed to staring at a computer screen. It has some bad aspects, though. Writing focuses my thoughts. I also think that it keeps my mind sharp. I write every day for work, but that's a different kind of writing. Rare is the day where I get to put a bit of myself or even a slice of creativity into a summons and complaint or an affidavit.

I'm going to make an honest effort to take some time every week to write something, even if it's just for my own edification. I should be able to do it with some minor sacrifices. I'm going to have to trim my reading time down a bit. I decided to not get TV service in my new apartment for as long as humanly possible (I have a TV, a big one actually, but I just use it to watch DVDs... no broadcast or cable service), so I spend a lot of time reading. It's working out pretty well so far. I figure that taking some of that free time and diverting it from reading/listening to music to writing isn't a bad idea. I guess it all depends on what I produce...

TV Casualty

Big embed. Need the space...

























I'm busy moving, so this is all you get.

But before I go, two quick comments.

McCain's got some pretty good ads, which is shocking to me honestly. I still think Obama is going to win this election, but McCain's got a shot.

And this...

If I had my choice, my presidential ticket would be Mark Sanford and Sarah Palin, governors of South Carolina and Alaska respectively.

50% ain't bad.

Perfect Gentleman

Strip clubs. Let's talk about them.

I'm going to say something, and I know that no one is going to believe me but here it is: I really am not a big fan of strip clubs. I'm not. And I'm not just saying that to try to score some "nice guy" points with the lady-folk out there. I have no desire whatsoever to do that. And I'm not just saying it to act like I'm above the whole situation and too cool for skin bars. I'm not some high and mighty moralist, looking down my nose at the plebs who enjoy a night at the local vagitorium. Anyone who knows me can attest to that.

No. The whole strip club scene just doesn't appeal to me that much. I'm a little too... desensitized to get all revved up just by seeing naked tits and ass gyrating on stage. The whole "tease" thing doesn't appeal to me. It's like watching someone prepare a four-course, gourmet dinner and then throw it into the garbage before I can eat it (no pun intended). Beyond that, the drinks are almost always overpriced, and the selection of beer and even liquor is piss-poor.

Now, this isn't a big deal. I don't get a kick out of titty bars. Big fucking deal, right? Well, I have a few friends who enjoy going to these places. And they go fairly frequently. These trips are usually spur of the moment things, so it's not like I can just stay home and avoid strip club night. Someone in the group gets the thought implanted (no pun intended) in their head during the course of an evening out, usually thanks to a clothed pair of breasts in a clothing non-optional bar, and off we go. I'm not going to play the wet blanket and bitch about it either. After my usual "Here we go again..." head-shaking lamentation, I'll go along without any further complaint. There's no reason why you should rain on your friends' parade, especially when that parade is full of blondes in clear heels.

Based on these frequent trips, I've learned a bit about strip clubs. More specifically, I've learned a lot about strip clubs in Las Vegas and Milwaukee. I thought I'd take some time talking about things I've noticed, lessons learned, yadda yadda. Here goes nothing...

Vegas clubs are mildly amazing. I was in one last Summer that was/is the biggest strip club in the world. Honestly, I haven't kept up with the current record holder on that one, hence the was/is. Anyway, this place was like Kohl's department store with poles and stages. It was huge. It was also run with the efficiency of a German auto factory. As I walked in with two friends, a man with a walkie talkie opened the front door for us. "We got three coming in, three coming in." After we paid the cover, we were met at the second set of doors by another door man, flanked by three clothing removal technicians. The ladies accompanied us to our table, and let's just say that the night began from there.

Milwaukee clubs are very different. Vegas is all about the sell. Those ladies will bleed your wallet dry. It helps that they are usually drop dead gorgeous, thanks to the proximity to LA. Milwaukee is much more laid back. I have never once been pressured by an MKE stripper to buy a lap dance. In Vegas, you are lucky if you go five minutes without being hit up for a lapper. For someone who isn't there to pay for a dry humping, that's a great thing. I suppose that's why I don't really put up a huge fight when my friends want to go to a strip club. It isn't the annoyance in Milwaukee that it can be in Vegas.

Seating is very important. First, let's talk tables. If you are in Vegas, you want to be the guy in the middle. Going back to my previous Vegas example, I made sure that I took the middle seat between my two friends. They were on the ends, so they got pestered (that really seems like the wrong word for it...) by more of the strippers for dances. I was sort of tucked away, so only the most motivated of girls would make their way to me to make their crotch grinding sales pitch.

Our next stop is the stage. Nine times out of ten, this is where you will find me sitting with my friends. I'll be the guy on the end trying to maintain a conversation with one of my distracted friends or staring up at the lights, thinking. Oddly enough, I get a lot of good thinking done at strip clubs. Strip clubs and buses... great venues for deep thoughts.

Anyway, the stage is actually a great place to be if you want to keep the night cheap (and I do). The dancers don't hit you up for lappers on their tip walk. You end up dropping only a single or two during each song, especially if you are cheap as fuck like me. You can also nurse a beer for a long while and not have to worry about waitresses pestering you constantly for more drinks and/or shots. The stage is good.

Finally, the bar. I have occasionally sat at the bar while at a strip club. It's a fairly rare event, usually reserved for those times that I either really want to drink or don't feel well (I was once at a strip club while sick... I don't recommend it). Good things can happen at the bar though. Quick story about a friend of mine, M. On his first trip to Vegas, M was dead set on going to a strip club. Unfortunately, he wasn't with a great group. He was with a mutual friend of ours who never goes out anywhere other than sports bars, this mutual friend's born again Christian brother, and their 50-something year old mother. Not exactly the crew you want with you for a wild night out. M said fuck it and went to the strip club alone. Yeah, he was that guy. He sat at the bar, ordered a few drinks, and just sort of took it all in. After a while, one of the dancers came over by him and started chatting him up. They talked for a while and got along pretty well. So well, in fact, that she decided to take him home with her at the end of her shift. Like I said, good things can happen at the bar.

Usually, I can come up with some nugget of insight about a topic, but I'm coming up short here. This has really been more of a description than a critique or an analysis. I guess the topic has been on my mind for a distinct reason, though. I have a friend coming in from out of town for the weekend. She's getting married Sunday and wants to have an impromptu bachelorette party. Guess where I'm going to end up Friday night.

The Waiting

Holy shit on a stick. Things have been insane lately. I have honestly never worked as hard in my life as I have in the past three weeks. Hopefully, things at work will be calmed down enough this week for me to do some posting. I have the itch to write.

I have a few ideas in the hopper already: a very poignant look at strip clubs, a thrilling retelling of a trip to Chicago that I took in law school for a conference (it's better than it sounds), a brief but thorough explanation of why this election makes me want to shit blood, and probably some kind of self-psychoanalysis about whatever the hell it is that is my personal problem of the week.

Those are the posts that are currently floating in my brain, half finished and raw. Hopefully, they don't all suck. I'll try to steer them away from Suckville, USA (which is somewhere near Philly, I think) if I can. No promises.

Steady as She Goes

I've been busy as hell lately. There's a lot going on with work right now, and it's not going to let up for a while. I'm one of those people who is really into symmetry and balance so when I work a lot, I go out a lot. It keeps me on an even keel. Or so I think. Anyway, here are just a few random thoughts that I've had recently that I may or may not expand on at a later date when I have the time.

• I'm no dietitian, but 3 Red Bulls and an order of nachos from Qdoba is more than enough to live on for one day.

• The live version of The Flaming Lips "The W.A.N.D." is played every Wednesday night on the jukebox at Palomino without fail. No, I'm not the one playing it.

• The Brewers will not win their division this season (they will win the wild card, though) because they cannot handle easily beatable teams (like the Rockies and the Astros) even when playing at home.

• Schlitz sucks.

• Everyday, I want to vote for John McCain less. Oddly enough, everyday, I want to see Barack Obama fail more. There's that symmetry again.

• I will never have what one would call a successful, traditional relationship until I become less selfish with my time. That day is not coming soon.

• Even win they win, the Cubs still suck.

Okay, back to work.

The Same Old Song

I was reading a message board the other day and came across a thread called "What songs always bring up a memory for you?". I’ve always linked memories, times and places, people, etc. with music. I guess that the more senses that you get involved, the better and stronger the memory is. Anyway, I took a quick scan of my iTunes and found a few...

Alice in Chains "Angry Chair" - I remember listening to the "Dirt" album (on cassette, mind you) while walking home from high school freshman year. It really is the perfect song for an angsty, brooding teenager... and I most certainly was one.

Black Crowes "Hard to Handle" - This song (or anything off of Shake Your Moneymaker) reminds me of a day trip that I took in while living in Eau Claire. A few of us drove out to a beach somewhere in picturesque Northern Wisconsin. I don’t remember what the place was called, but there were islands, some waterfalls, and a bunch of frisbee-playing college students. Everyone was on one of the islands, and the only way to get there was to hold all the shit you brought over your head and walk on the bottom of the lake. The water was up to my eyes. Good day. Didn't drown.

Charlie Daniels Band "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" - I was in Las Vegas for Ben’s wedding. Dave, Ben’s friend Nate, and I were the last people from the group out that night. After a little gambling and drinking, we decided to call it a night too. As we walked back into our hotel, we heard a band playing in one of the casino corner bars. It was just a cover band, but we decided to check them out for a while. "A while" became all night. There were many more rounds of drinks. There was dancing with middle aged women. There was general obnoxious behavior. The band said that they were going to play one more song, but they would let the crowd choose. It was either going to be "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" or The Eagles "Hotel California." I, like The Dude, hate the fucking Eagles. Most of the polite crowd seemed to want "Hotel California." But a few people, including us drunken hyenas at the corner table, loudly demanded "The Devil Went Down to Georgia." We won; they lost. We danced; we shamed our families for generations to come. The night got better after that, but that’s a story for another time.

Dave Matthews Band "Two Step" - I really don’t have any feelings about the Dave Matthews Band. In my travels, I generally hear this band discussed mostly by two groups of people. Sure, there are casual fans out there (I’ve met a few of them), but I run into Group 1 and Group 2 more often. Group 1 is frat boy, hemp necklace, college douche bags who love "Dave" (as they call him, as if he’s on their fucking speed dial) and would listen to anything he does and praise it unconditionally. The guy could make an album that consists solely of him farting on a snare drum and these goons would call it the next White Album. Group 2 is indie rock, hipster pricks who say his name with the same kind of revulsion that a Holocaust survivor would say Hitler’s. These tight pants wearing pseudo-Bohemians gauge a person’s worth by their taste in music, movies, and other media. Remember, it’s not what you’re like that matters; it’s what you like. So consider me Swiss in the great DMB wars. Anyway. That song reminds me of many, many nights at Mel’s, where I watched Matt spend way too much of his money on booze. They played that song once a night. It was a welcome break from all the hip hop. Lots of build up and not much of a story there, huh?

In Flames "Pinball Map" - I bought the Clayman CD right at the end of my sophomore year of college. It was my first year at UWM. I was happy to be back in Milwaukee. The weather was beautiful. I had reconnected with my friends here. Everything about that summer seemed to start off right. All was well in the world. This song reminds me of good times, as most Swedish death metal should.

Jimmy Buffett "Fins" - This song reminds me of the following winter (that would be fall semester of junior year). I remember the shitty cold weather, piles of snow, slush and ice everywhere... basically, winter in Wisconsin. The song itself is about a girl that travels south on vacation and gets swarmed by guys trying to fuck her. Why did I like this song: a desire to leave the cold weather or latent homosexuality? You be the judge.

Led Zeppelin "Fool in the Rain" - Back before the days of MP3 players, I carried a CD player with me everywhere. Since I have the attention span of a gnat, I would make mix CDs of a bunch of different artists and listen to those during the day at school between classes. I would never label these CDs either, so I’d have half a dozen blank CDs on me at any given time. That added to the randomness of whatever I listened to. I remember walking out of my last exam of college (undergrad) at UWM, putting a CD into the player, and hitting play. This is the song that played. It sounds cheesy and made up (it is cheesy but not made up) but it started raining while I was walking across campus to the union. Seriously raining too. We’re talking Biblical downpour. I ended up taking shelter under an outcropping by the library. I just stood there for 20 minutes or so, watching the rain, relishing the fact that I was now a college graduate, looking forward to starting law school in the fall, and just generally fucking pleased with myself.

Pixies "All Over the World" - This or anything off of Bossanova reminds me of my fall exams of my last year of law school. I played the shit out of that album while studying during the weeks before exams. I also had a huge paper to write, and I can’t do that in silence. There was also some general shittiness going on in life at that moment. Luckily, The Pixies rule and can help me get through anything.

I could go on and on (and I may edit this at a later date to do so), but I think this paints an accurate picture of how linked music and memories are, at least for me. It’s kind of interesting that most of the songs that I listed aren’t really ones that I listen to actively. I don’t own a single album from the Black Crowes, Charlie Daniels, Dave Matthews, or Jimmy Buffett. I certainly don’t listen to any of them with any regularity. Kinda odd, isn't it? That's par for the course for me, though.

Ordinary World

Deadwood is probably one of the best television shows that I've ever seen. Strong characters and solid writing helped distinguish it from the already impressive line up of HBO shows. Seriously, does anyone even watch network TV anymore? The cable shows are just miles ahead of anything that the networks are producing.

Anyway, this clip is vintage Deadwood and vintage Al Swearengen. For those of you not watching along at home (either via reruns or DVDs), here's the setup. Millionaire asshole George Hearst didn't like some of the things appearing in Merrick's newspaper, so he sent some muscle to ransack the place. Merrick's a bit of a coward, so his friend Al decides that he needs a pep talk. It's my favorite kind of advice: good and profane.